The Mamasty Blog. The Start of Something New...
Personal Confession #1
Why I am writing this blog, and why you should care.
It's currently 3:07am and I have been woken up by my toddlers yet again to help them go pee. Every night, I get this midnight pee-time call. Sometimes it includes crying, sometimes it's a sweet little "mommyyyy" calling me from the top of the stairs. I feel like I should be angry, but I'm usually not. There is a sweetness that only I get to see in their tired little faces. Mila's tiny little body walking ahead of me in the darkness, leading me back to her bed so I can give her one more kiss. It's just me they want.
But here I am, watching the time tick away as I know the inevitable morning 5am alarm is coming soon. Currently as I am writing this, I work as a Federal Account Manager selling IT. This job, this industry, has always stressed me out. For over 10 years now it caused me anxiety, overwhelm, self-reflection, self-doubt, and yes... a healthy paycheck, spouts of personal growth & validation, and a few deeply cherished friendships.
I am also a photographer. Or a "starving artist" if my livelihood depended on it at this point. I photograph women and their connections with their children. Peaking into other people world's fascinates me, still safe behind my camera. I can so easily see the beauty in other women even when I struggle with seeing it in myself. Self-doubt is the name of the game in my world of artistic expression; an internal game I am working very hard to change.
So honestly, why should you care?
I once read during my research into the blogging world that you should write the blog that wants to be written, not the blog you think needs to be written. For months I have been working on building this new website, and for weeks I have had on my To-Do List: Start the Mindfulness Blog. Write the First Mindfulness Blog Entry. GET THE MINDFULNESS BLOG STARTED.
And yet... nothing. I couldn't write it. I felt like a fraud. I felt that if I am writing, I want to be writing about exactly how I feel at this moment in my life. I am NO mindfulness expert. Yes, I practice yoga daily to reconnect with myself and it has changed my world for the better. But lately I have also been in a terrible mood, under a lot of stress at work, afraid of launching this site, and honestly upset that my latest Insta post has only received 33 likes. Who am I to teach other women mindfulness?
What I can share is my honest truth. My journey with photography, having a third baby, practicing mindfulness the best way I know how, and the honest struggles of sometimes feeling unseen and overlooked. I am by nature a pretty happy person who is optimistic and hopeful (which I am sure will make it's way onto the page) but the darker spells of anxiety and depression are just as much a part of me as the happy ones.
If there is one thing I hope you take away from my writings is a feeling of connection. I don't know what I will write in the future or how the words will spill onto the page, but I promise I will be connected to them, and to you.
My promise to you
I'd like to be able to promise that you will receive weekly blog posts from me that are timed perfectly and always hitting your inbox with a quick-witted title. I am just not there yet. But this is what I can promise you:
- I will be honest to you and more importantly, to myself, and will work hard to keep my thoughts unedited and without fear. Whether it's happy, sad, or whatever the range of emotions I experience, it will be authentically me.
- I will show up for you and for me; I am committed to daily writing.
- I will encourage you along the way to find (and go after) whatever it is in your life that brings you the peace you deserve.
- I will not flood this blog with beautiful, unrealistic pictures of a perfect life. If you find my work beautiful, I am grateful. But this is not a momtogs image blog of her children. Been there, done that... I need more.
Now, I am no social media star or influencer of any kind, but I serve those who give their free time to me on those platforms. If you'd like to follow my instagram for more regular images and personal thoughts, please connect with me @emmyshepherd.
Here's to writing a blog that matters, living honestly without fear, and creating something even if it's small. Baby steps my friends <3
If you're afraid of starting something, whatever your fears are, it's normal. Start it anyways. Tell yourself: I AM RESILIENT.
Current book of choice:
'UnF*CK YOURSELF' by Gary John Bishop
Please, if you're still reading this, tell me who you are in the comments below...
Hi, I'm Emmy. I'm a motherhood photographer, busy mom of two toddlers (almost three!) and personal honest motherhood blogger. I'm a woman who wants to use the power of connection to spread self-love, creative expression & mindful living.
My purpose is to create emotional connections through the power of photography and to encourage other women to slow down, stay connected, and to create space for honest expressions of the ying/ yang of love and self-doubt.
The Mamasty Blog: Honest Motherhood